It’s a love hate relationship.

I love my son, but I hate the drugs. The drugs turn my boy into someone I hardly recognize. A stranger that I miss tremendously.

It started 13 years ago, weed..it was only weed. I found it , mere crumbs inside a VHS box. I don’t know what made me suspect this behavior, but I did and I wasn’t wrong. Life changed for my son, he became a prisoner. Maybe my first mistake.

He is my oldest. I was divorced from his father when he was only 6 months old. His dad was having an affair, good bye and good luck. For years dad had little to do with our son , he was always to busy , not available or just didn’t answer the phone. Regardless of the life my family provided , he missed his dad. It was the trauma of loss in his life. It was the piece that was the recognized until to late, it was the reason he thinks he is not good enough, thrown away , lost and unloved. You see it only takes one big hit to destroy someones perception of themselves. One big hit!

And yes, this carried through out his life, and continues today.

It was only a few weeks after the “weed” incident. My sons half – brother(dads side) called- 3 years younger. He wanted my son to come to visit him, spend a week with him just hangout out during summer school break. Of course I agreed , this in my mind would offer an opportunity to build a relationship with dad as well.

Or I thought. He never returned home.

That was 13 years ago, and I am still trying to help my son find his way. I learned only a few years ago that dad became his buddy , his friend. He thought it would be a good idea to drink , smoke weed and ultimately introduce our son to harder more detrimental drugs. But.. my son had his dad and he would do anything to stay in his good graces.

We are taught to value our parents, to trust our parents, that our parents are our guides, hero’s, best buds, protectors. Despite how they treat us we value and love them. We want them in our lives at whatever the cost. we don’t always teach our kids good and bad parenting until its to late.

13 years later, addicted and homeless ..alone,, unloved and tired. HE has no idea how to stop ,its what he knows. He has no idea how to live a “normal life” in society, hold a job, pay bills or even support a healthy relationship.

And if one more person says,  its his choice, I may have to slap them.

Continue to visit and learn more about my journey.. I will also provide resources, supports and information that might help you manage some of the situation you will face as a parent or family member, possible even an opportunity to support a friend.